Writing a Blog

Do you like jokes? 
 
This one used to be my favorite: 
What do you call a mailman without a job? 

Just some dude. 

Trust me if used at the right time with the right people that joke can be extremely comedic. I won over my 9 year old niece and her six friends this last weekend. It was a huge hit. 

Here is another one:  
What do you call Conscious Girl without a blog? 


Just some chick. 

I do not consider myself a writer. I am sure I can't call myself a blogger, as there must be some kind of formal metric regarding the number of followers/readers one must have to qualify, which I do not. I have no official plan for this blog, no structure, no outline. In fact Ms. Summer my 10th grade English teacher, would be extremely disappointed in my lack of conceptual framework for telling my story. 

I am simply some chick that enjoys pushing her growth with public accountability. I do not have troves of readers or a community following my story. In fact I think my projects seem nebulous to the people who graciously read these posts. 

The truth is that the project and system is vague to me as well. I am trying to figure myself out in a way I haven’t seen out in the world before. I value the writings and teachings of gurus and enlightened, awakened beings but they are writing from their perspective at the top of the mountain looking down. I am looking up my mountain, attempting to document my journey as I transverse unknown territory. 

This is a tenuous process where at times I am not sure what is going to happen or how my life will unfold. So as the week goes on I watch myself and look for what may be worth a share or a second look. 

There are times I sit down in front of the computer and unconditionally vigorously write. The story is inside me begging to get out. As I write I achieve clarity through careful contemplation of sorting out a beginning, middle and end. 

Some times I sit in front of the computer and make myself write. Force creativity through a manufactured deadline that generates the perfect blend of anxiety and determination. This blend gets the job done and keeps me consistent but doesn’t yield transformative or entertaining results. 

This last week I waited. I started to write and the story I was telling didn’t feel genuine so I put it aside and watched myself, hoping that I would get some kind of lightening bolt of inspiration but it never came. I watched my weekly blog commitment come and go, lamenting the loss I feel when I break my word to myself. 

Then I  considered this process I engage in weekly and I started to reflect. I have not gone back and read my posts. No real reason why not; I just don’t think to do it. I also started to consider what I share and don’t share in this format. 

I clearly have no problem sharing my spiritual journey, my relationship or lack there of with God and my mother. I openly share my thoughts about myself, my family, my friends and my husband and our relationship (I love them so stinking much I really enjoy sharing about my relationships). I have no reservation sharing my vision, hopes and dreams and the fears that get in the way and hold me back.

Humm… so when I think about what is important to me...that’s it. What else is there? Oh yeah!! I have skillfully omitted the following: 

-       My work, what I do for a living

-       My fears about starting a family

-       My political views 

Ohh and by the way...These three topics have occupied my mind-space for the last two weeks and I largely consider them off limits. 

Why are they off limits? Easy. Reasons as follows:

-       My work is my life. I am deeply passionate about the work I do AND I make a living at it so there is a sleazy quality I feel when I share it with others.

-       My big fear about having kids is that they will get in the way of the work I love. That I will want to be with them all the time, quit my job and end up resenting my children because I gave up my dream (GULP, did I really share that in public)

-       My political views are different from the people I know and when I share my position on an issue and don’t get to explain my thought process I feel cold and misunderstood. 

Well, there is a lot to be explored here and I won’t go into it too deeply now, however, it is my intention to courageously uncover my limits and move beyond them. I feel most alive when I notice I am holding back or hiding and choose to challenge the thinking and perspectives that make me want to hide. I feel unstoppable when fear steps in to overcome my senses, pushing me down and yet I find a way to push up against it, unwilling to acquiesce. I am most powerful when I make a stand for living full out, refusing to withdrawal any of myself in any form. 

By doing this I make my life truly extraordinary and it is my intention to open that possibility in the lives of others by sharing it. So I’m not a blogger or a writer, I am just some chick excited about the possibility of everyone living in a way that is worth writing about. 

Living in a way that I am proud to pass down to my hypothetical children that I am deathly afraid of and love more then anything.

So don’t worry Ms. Summer, I have my next three topics already outlined…stay tuned.