Mother Teresa said, “A life not lived for others is not a
life” and Albert Einstein said, “Only a life lived for others is a life
worthwhile” and after completing #101DaysofKindness I can honestly say that I
have experienced the truth in these statements. The experience of joy I
felt leaving gifts in public places to be found by a perfect stranger knowing
that in some way it would brighten their day was immense, or the thrill I got from finding
ways to be kind in the most unlikely situations like when someone was upset and
yelling at me or when my husband and I are not seeing eye to eye or when I’m just having a funky butt day. This
project gave me a sense of happiness and creativity I have never experienced
before.
However, with all due respect to Mother Teresa and Albert
Einstein, I must admit I believe their statements are incomplete. It doesn’t
paint the whole picture; at least it doesn’t for me. I’ll explain.
Towards the end of the project I felt like giving up on life.
I had fantasies about running away to a far away land, cutting up my credit
cards and I.D., throwing my phone out of the window as I rode off into the
sunset never to be seen again. The last two months of this project I protested
almost everything in my life; writing these posts, doing random acts of
kindness, my work, my friends, even my marriage. I wanted to burn everything
down and start all over.
Seems pretty dramatic, huh? Well my mind was certainly
acting up and trying to get my attention so I watched it. I didn’t do anything
I listed above, in fact, in most cases I did the opposite. I told my husband
and my friends how I was feeling. I asked my co-workers to humor me as I got
creative and started to restructure my job and what I do during the day. I kept
doing random acts of kindness above and beyond what I would normally do daily.
All the while my mind screaming, “Get Me Out Of HERE!”
I believe that our feelings are something that we should act
on, not act out. With that in mind, I continued to listen to my thoughts and tried
to interpret the messages I was receiving in a way that facilitated my Mission
and purpose in life: to bring people together and create experiences of meaning
where I feel fully alive and completely unstoppable.
I started to ask myself questions; “What in my life needs to
end or change?” “With what I want to accomplish, is there anything holding me
back?” and “What do I want that I don’t have right now?”
That’s when I realized that I had slipped back into old
behavior. I was living for others and forgot about what I wanted. The truth is,
I wanted others to do this with me. When I started this project I envisioned
creating a movement of people joining me in the kindness project but… I didn’t
do anything to really make that happen. In that vision was an assumption that
people would ask about it and want to join on their own accord. (Yes, all of
you were supposed to invite yourselves
into my project. Aren’t you mind readers yet?)
Looking back on my dramatic thinking I realize I was having
a reaction to the idea that “no one wants to play with me” (Because if they did
want to play with me they would ask me… all while I’m not asking them…yes,
you see it now… this makes no sense!).
Which, I set up perfectly. I created what I feared because I didn’t
share what I wanted. If I want others to join me I need to invite them and not
just once, over and over and over again.
Not only that but my random acts of kindness were limited to
what I could do by myself, which mostly left me feeling uninspired.
The happiest I felt during this project was when I invited
others to share in the giving; when my husband walked around with me in the
middle of the night putting cards on people’s cars, or when my friend Claudine
and her kids spent an afternoon slipping notes and gift cards in people’s
shopping carts. My Mission is to bring people together and although being kind
was fun it didn’t bring me complete fulfillment until I invited others to join me!
Being kind is wonderful and the feeling associated with
giving is very powerful AND I feel most alive when I include others in my
life. Especially, when I share experiences with others where we push ourselves
beyond what we would normally think to do.
Mother Teresa and Albert Einstein were great humanitarians
and loved living for others. They were shining examples of their word. However,
I would humbly change their sentiment: If
it is in your heart to live for others, do so, or you will find your life is
not worthwhile. Not all of us are great humanitarians and we are not
supposed to be. I believe we are meant to do what we love, what we feel
passionate about.
Now you can call me selfish if you like. That’s ok, I am (Who
isn’t?). I used to think that being selfish was a problem. I thought I should be completely selfless and “live
for others” like Mother Teresa and Albert Einstein believed. I used to think that if I didn’t live for
others no one would want to be with me. Living for others is a beautiful thing
and I like myself when I act to the benefit of others, ultimately it is an
activity I enjoy. However the be-all end-all for me, the activity that brings
fulfillment in my life and makes my life worth living is sharing experiences
with others, bringing people together for something greater then ourselves.
I love quotes and exploring their meaning in my life. I can
see now that Mother Teresa and Albert Einstein helped me realize something very
valuable: living for others is not my purpose in life, trying to live that way
is disingenuous and shortsighted for me. Creating a community of people looking to explore
what’s possible and see what they are truly made of really thrills me.
So as you and I set off into the New Year, to create the
life we truly want, think of this quote by Rumi “Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull
of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.”
I intend to do exactly that and I can’t wait to share with
you what I discover!
