Lindon and I just celebrated our two-year wedding
anniversary! My marriage is majorly important to me, I honestly think it is the best thing I have ever done for myself because it inspires me every day to live as the best of myself. So naturally, it is a part of my life
where I have seen tremendous growth as well as many growth opportunities. In this post I will focus on my current growth opportunity.
Lindon and I have a very unique relationship. We live
together, we work together, we sleep together, we drive together, we play
together, we eat together, we travel together, we process our issues with each
other together, we grow together, we work out together. We are sincerely best
friends, lovers, boss/employee, trainer/trainee and husband and wife.
The fact that we can do all of this AND not want to murder
each other is a miracle in and of itself. However, I must admit that after
two years of delicately wearing all of these hats and doing our best to set
boundaries for each of our roles we are both worn so thin that each role has in
some way been compromised. We do not get the full experience/joy of these
individual roles because it is so easy to slide into a different role and try
to be two at once (or four!).
For example, on Monday, our anniversary day, we spent the
day together as husband and wife. I noticed how easy it was for me think about
him as my boss or co-worker and not truly enjoy being his wife because I am
worried about work. It took a lot of effort to not bring up my work concerns
during our mountain bike ride or at dinner.
I brought this up to Lindon and he shared with me that he
feels the same way. We decided to make our relationship with ourselves the
priority. Meaning, I need to make going to yoga a sacred ritual and he needs to
make mountain biking an unbreakable commitment. If we don’t take care of
ourselves then we cannot bring our best to our marriage. Then we agreed to
carve time out to do an activity together that is fun/silly that gets us out of
our routine. Some ideas were going to a trivia night, taking an improve class
or a ukulele class.
We also agreed to fire each other from some of these roles for each other. There
are other people we can engage to help with working out, processing issues, etc.
In the midst of all this I realized that I was starting to
feel a little lost and sad. At first I thought that I was reacting to where we
were and that I had somehow failed. As I questioned myself I realized that
wasn’t the case. As I continued to reflect and inquire on my feelings I noticed
that my sadness was coming from the thought that, “I don’t know how to be a
good wife.” I know how to be a co-worker, teammate, best buddy but I don’t know
how to be a wife. That made me very sad because being a wife is so important to
me.
BUT this feeling, once identified was very short lived, because
I know how to be a good wife! I made a vow to be a good wife and I outlined all
the promises I am committed to keeping. I just got so caught up in being good
in these other roles that I got disconnected from my commitment.
I pulled out my vows to renew them to myself:
Lindon,
You are my best friend. I
never knew that I could feel this way about another person. You are the
source of so much joy and happiness in my life. You make me smile and laugh
everyday. I love that we play, dance, sing and can be silly together and I love
how often we laugh ‘til we cry right before we go to sleep. You make me dream
sweet. Your patience humbles me and your ability to stay calm and cool when I’m not makes me feel safe and cared
for. I appreciate so much how you put us first and make sure that we are good
before moving on to anything else. You are one of the greatest men I know; you
have honor, integrity, courage and tenderness.
In
front of all of our friends and family, I ask for their support in these
promises I make to you:
I
promise to appreciate you. To express it openly and let all know how proud I am
of the man you are and the man you are becoming. I am excited for what we will
create in our life together and I will always let you know how grateful I am
for that efficient brain of yours.
I
promise to grow with you, to build with you and dream with you. I believe you
and I are together for a reason, something bigger than ourselves and as we
discover new possibilities I promise to always be by your side. We are a team.
I
promise to truly listen to you, share with you, and partner in all things with
you. When times are good I will celebrate with you, share your successes as if
they were my own and continue to look forward and find ways to create more.
When times seem tough I will partner with you to create an alternative. I will
share your struggles as if they are my own and work with you to make those
experiences catapult us forward into the life of our dreams.
I
promise to bring the fun. I promise to fill our life with friends, family,
laughter and love. I will always look for ways to bring joy and adventure into
our life.
I
promise make a family with you. With our own children, our family of origin,
and our chosen family. You and I will bring people together to share our love
and celebrate all the relationships that bring meaning to our life.
Most
of all I promise to love you. Today I choose you to spend my life with. It is a
choice and I will remember I made it and that choice will inspire me to do
whatever it takes to keep our love alive. You are the first man I ever felt I
would do anything for and I am so grateful for that feeling. I choose to love
you throughout our life and forever. In All Ways, Always.
I choose to make a vow to myself now. When I am on my way
home to be a wife I will lay my work brain to rest by reminding myself of how I
felt when I wrote these vows. I will take a moment before I walk into the house
to bring these feelings to life inside of me. I will make time every day to
remind myself that we will always have each other at the foundation of all we create. I bring the best of me when I pause and choose to love him in all ways, always.
